Why Do We Hurt Those We Love Most, and How to Stop It

Why Do We Hurt Those We Love Most, and How to Stop It

Love is a beautiful and perplexing emotion. It holds the power to uplift and inspire, yet somehow, it often becomes entangled in arguments, fights, and exhaustion. Have you ever wondered why people hurt the ones they love the most? How is it possible to simultaneously love and hurt someone? Let's delve into this intriguing phenomenon and discover how we can break free from this vicious cycle.

To understand why this happens, we need to explore the concept of energy. Energy is vital for our survival and well-being, manifesting in various forms such as love, attention, interest, food, friendship, money, approval, and recognition. We rely on these energy sources to feel good about ourselves, build our identities, and find our place in society.

The problem arises when we believe that this energy can only come from other people. This flawed perception leads us into a constant struggle because human energy is finite and limited. We find ourselves locked in a competition to attract attention, desperately vying for others' energy. We want to be the quickest, the smartest, or the most attractive to capture their focus and absorb their energy.

But what happens when this strategy fails? We resort to negative behavior as a means to draw attention. As children, we quickly learn that when we play quietly with our toys, our parents often focus on other tasks. However, the moment we misbehave or feign illness, they rush to shower us with attention. Even if it's negative attention, it still provides us with energy. These early experiences shape our understanding of how to extract energy from others.

As we grow older and enter romantic relationships, we stumble upon a fascinating revelation. Falling in love grants us an abundance of free energy, effortlessly flowing from our partner. We no longer need to employ strategies to acquire this energy; it's freely given. We let go of our energy-grasping mechanisms, and we experience the intoxicating sensation of love. We soar on someone else's energy, feeling invincible, vibrant, and safe. Life seems effortless, and the world becomes a kaleidoscope of vivid colors. We even find ourselves loving everyone and everything around us, including our grumpy boss. However, this love is derived from another person's limited energy.

The stream of free energy eventually subsides as our partner returns to their own pursuits and obligations. Adrenaline levels decrease, and the body can't sustain such high levels indefinitely. This reduction in free energy triggers a crucial turning point. We must learn to source our energy from within ourselves, rather than relying on others. Self-generated energy requires effort, unlike the effortless flow of free energy we had grown accustomed to. Naturally, we resist this transition and cling to our old ways of extracting energy from loved ones.

We resort to familiar tactics. We play the victim, craving sympathy and acknowledgment for our efforts. We become aggressive, attempting to dominate and control the other person. Some of us pester with endless questions, hoping to maintain a sense of power. Others withdraw into silence, refusing to communicate and forcing the other person to pursue us, thereby providing their energy.

These mechanisms may successfully redirect the other person's energy toward us momentarily, but it comes at a cost. What happens next? The other person, now depleted of energy, seeks to replenish their reserves. Their own childhood mechanisms are triggered, and they adopt strategies they once used to extract energy from their parents. They may shout, assume the role of the innocent victim, bombard us with questions, or refuse contact.

This cycle of hurting the ones we love can be attributed to two primary factors. Firstly, we desire the energy our loved ones once freely bestowed upon us. We believe we are entitled to their energy without reciprocating, and our grasping mechanisms kick in as a result. Secondly, convenience plays a significant role. Our loved ones are always around, making their energy readily accessible. When we find ourselves low on energy, we unwittingly resort to draining their reserves to fulfill our own needs.

Yet, stealing energy from others ultimately inflicts harm upon them. So, what can we do to break free from this destructive pattern? We must ensure that we are already filled with energy before engaging with others to avoid depleting their reserves. When we are energized and conscious of our interactions, we can offer energy to others instead of taking it. We should refrain from meeting others when our own energy levels are low. It is our responsibility to generate and sustain our energy, independent of others.

But how can we achieve this? The answer lies in connecting with the boundless energy of the universe. There are countless ways to tap into this universal energy source. One simple method is to appreciate the beauty of a flower or any other object that captivates you. Engaging in activities such as listening to inspiring music, immersing ourselves in nature, meditating, praying, dancing, painting, reading uplifting texts, pursuing our life's purpose, or showering love upon our pets can all invigorate us and replenish our energy.

Create a personal list of activities and behaviors that elevate your energy levels. Whenever you find yourself in conflict with your partner, boss, child, or anyone else, take immediate action to restore your energy and regain harmony within yourself. Refrain from speaking until your energy levels have sufficiently replenished, allowing you to offer energy rather than stealing it. This act of love prevents the harm caused by energy extraction. If you are unable to raise your energy levels in the moment, distance yourself temporarily, engage in self-care, and wait until your vibrations are high enough to reconnect with the other person.

In a relationship, the key is not to depend on the other person for happiness or expect them to make us happy. Instead, we must cultivate our own happiness and freely share it with our loved ones as a precious gift. Love is not about stealing energy; it is about giving energy.

Now that you understand the difference, ask yourself: Do you want to steal the energy of your loved ones or truly love them?