Embracing True Happiness: An Inside Out Perspective
An elusive and enigmatic pursuit, the quest for 'true happiness' often leads individuals to gaze beyond themselves, attributing their dissatisfaction and frustration to external circumstances. The shared fantasy that life would be near utopian, if only the significant persons in our lives conformed to our whims and expectations, is illustrative of this mindset. Rather paradoxically, it's this very line of thinking that elongates and exacerbates our discontent!
The Crux of Contemporary Unhappiness
I concur that today's unhappiness predominantly stems from the fact that crucial people in our lives don't always see eye to eye with us. It's a predicament many can relate to. Instances abound; a child's reckless decision, a spouse or partner's contentious choices about relocation or employment, a parent's unintentionally hurtful criticism undermining your self-confidence, or a boss's penchant for micromanaging without acknowledging your competent performance. Given these examples, one can see how such events or a combination thereof lead to unhappiness. I'm confident you could add a few more to this list.
The Illusion of Perfection
When we are enmeshed in such challenging situations, the natural inclination is to assume that if the others in our life would simply act as we'd like them to, our lives would drastically improve, resulting in increased happiness and fulfillment. While this may be partly true, this belief often backfires.
Engaged in a futile attempt to align significant others in our lives with our worldview, we often employ strategies that only end up damaging, and ultimately terminating, our precious relationships. The tactics I'm referencing – punishment, guilt-tripping, continuous complaining, nagging, threats, criticism, the silent treatment, and, for the proficient manipulators among us, even incentives in the form of bribes.
The Power of Communication and Negotiation
If your first line of action tends to be negotiation and opening up sincere lines of communication, then you are a welcome anomaly. However, it begs the question, what methods do you resort to when negotiations hit a dead-end?
In my case, I am no stranger to the nagging route, a fact corroborated by my children. The scenario usually unfolds something like this: the request to clean a room goes ignored, the reminding turns relentless, the tone escalates, culminating in a final, loud burst of annoyance. Sound familiar? This approach often fails to achieve the desired objective. And even when it does, it comes at a cost.
Repeated nagging might ensure a tidy room, but it does a lot more. First, it provokes a loss of control, morphing you into a version of yourself that is far from desirable. Secondly, it puts a strain on the relationship between you and your child. Expecting a friendly, profound conversation about life following such an altercation would likely be wishful thinking.
The Ownership of Happiness
This might go against the grain of your long-held beliefs, but the truth is that you, and only you, are in charge of your happiness. If you find yourself waiting for others to change their ways or for situational improvements before you can experience happiness, then you are giving external circumstances unnecessary control over your internal state of being.
With that said, no one asks you to abandon your existing hopes or expectations. If you choose to wait for increased affection from your spouse, better behavior from your children, or acknowledgement from your boss before you can feel happy, that's entirely up to you. But let's also respect those who practice the 'inside out' thinking where we don't give others the privilege to influence our happiness or any other emotional state.
Shaping Yourself: The Realization of True Inner Joy
The journey to happiness begins with learning to be the person you aspire to be, experiencing the emotions you wish to feel by altering your actions and the way you perceive things. To encapsulate this ethos, I would like to share a quote from Jimmy Dean, "You can't change the direction of the wind, but you can adjust your sails.". This sentiment is representative of the real 'inside out' thinking.
People's characters and events around us will always be dynamic and often beyond our control. We may not always be able to influence others' behavior or the turn of uncontrollable events in our lives, but we always have agency over how we react and manage these situations. This realization, in itself, is a significant stride toward embracing true happiness.
Tags
Self Improvement